Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
