final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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