giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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