Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
cat food counts as protein by the way
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
