Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
