He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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