your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
