ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
