what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
