I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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