I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
