i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
