maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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