it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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