every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
