i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
