Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
