Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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