Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
