Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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