First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
