it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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