I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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