I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
