yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
