i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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