You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've blown a few things in my day
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize