Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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