...so i touched it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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