can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
