Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
