omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
