Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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