How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He? As in you personified your dick?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
