"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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