I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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