Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
