$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
