She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
