we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
