hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
