Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
