he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
