I am spending my child support on dildos
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
