the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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