Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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