Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
