Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
