Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
operation have a gay friend backfired
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
