she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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