Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
