My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
