I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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