these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
