Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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