i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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