some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
