Soap is not a condiment
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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