Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
