um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
