all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
