Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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