i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
