I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
