I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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