haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
