My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
