dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
