rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
