We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They are going to name an STD after you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
