All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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