mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
