After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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