Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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