She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
