so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
