please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
