dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
